Thursday, June 17, 2010

I'm Not Naked

I bet you're wondering about the title of this post. Or maybe not...but I'm going to explain it anyway. In small group the other week we were in 2 Corinthians and read through Paul's account of some of the trials he endured in his ministry.

Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?

Julie was pretty amazed by the fact that one of the circumstances Paul faced was being naked. Talk about being (literally) stripped of even your basic conveniences...Paul was forced to go without even a shirt on his back at times. And without pants, for that matter. I mean, it says naked. For all the complaining she does about her circumstances, she commented, never once has she been involuntarily naked.

Paul knew what it was like to suffer, even down to the smallest detail. Not only was he persecuted, hungry, and living in poverty, sometimes he didn't even have anything to cover his body. When I read those words, I try to imagine what that would have been like. In my comfort and convenience, even that is hard. And yet, in my prayers I often find myself saying to God "this is unfair" and asking "why do I have to go through this?" That night in small group as we read over Paul's words, we only half-jokingly decided that when someone in the group begins to complain, we'll simply ask them "are you naked?" to remind each other things could still be worse. Much worse.

I have to admit that one of the said posts I began to write last week consisted of lots of complaining. I had a challenging week, feeling hurt over a couple relationship issues happening at the same time. I began, once again, thinking my circumstances were unfair and I didn't deserve them. All week I sat at my desk at work, turning these thoughts of discontent over in my head, and carried them home with me each night. I prayed that God would give me a better attitude and outlook, but only because I wanted to feel happier, not necessarily because I wanted to exercise grace. Despite my stubborness, God did pull me out of my self-made rut and gave me a better attitude. I don't know that the circumstances improved, but that doesn't necessarily matter--He has allowed me to feel His love and presence in spite of them. In turn, I can love even those who don't love me (or at least don't act like they do.) That is my calling. So why do I sit around acting like the victim, seeking sympathy and complaining? It makes me slip further and further into unhappiness, and yet I seem to want to drown in my misery. And if God didn't show me grace by renewing my spirit, I would. I admit it feels good to complain and to seek what is my idea of justice. But that satisfaction is temporary and I miss so much when I choose to dwell in it.

Note that Paul lists his afflictions, and then adds that while enduring all of them, his primary concern is still the church. While he personally faces countless tribulations, he still values the life and purpose of the church above his own. I think that part is the most important for me to understand. I should not only recognize the grace I'm given in tough circumstances, I should love people and value their lives and salvation through it. And I should have an attitude of thankfulness. That requires seeing above and beyond my situation. And I think that is partly how God can give me a different outlook, because I'm not primarily focused on myself. Of course, that's the very last thing I want to do usually. But that should be a constant practice on my part, no matter what my condition.

Philippians 4:11-12

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Don't get my wrong in all this. I'm not saying that I (or you) shouldn't feel pain in hard times or that it shouldn't be difficult to face trials in life just because they aren't as severe as Paul's. I think it's ok to acknowledge your hurt and cry out to God to ask Him to comfort and heal your heart. But I know I stumble not in feeling hurt, but in dwelling on my pain and the "unfairness" of it. And I think that takes root in an attitude of entitlement, as if I shouldn't have to suffer. When I begin thinking I don't deserve what I'm going through, I'm already wrong. I do deserve it...I don't deserve the grace God gives me to endure it. Notice Paul says he had to learn how to be content. Our human reaction (even for Paul) is to be unhappy when things are hard. Maybe it's remembering the grace sparing us from death in those times that will allow us to praise.

So I guess what I'm saying is that I want to praise God more. I want my prayer life to largely consist of thanksgiving for what God has spared me from, what He gives me, and what He does through me. Life isn't perfect and it won't be, but I waste so much time complaining that I fail to recognize the blessings. And worse, I fail to honor God for His goodness and faithfulness in my life. Even in harder times, I want to know the importance of praise, because most likely, even then...I'm not naked.

;)