Wednesday, July 14, 2010

One Phone Call from Our Knees

Yesterday my church body grieved together with the family of one of our pastors whose wife gave birth to her baby at only 26 1/2 weeks. He was on this earth for less than a day as he developed a bacterial infection that took his life. This amazing family is such a strong testimony to our church. They have adopted two children internationally and have been very influential advocates for adoption, especially from a biblical perspective. I know they have challenged me to consider adoption in a different light than I ever would have if they weren't an active part of that ministry. I'm sure Keva's heart was joyful when she learned she was pregnant, given that doctors told her in the beginning she would not be able to conceive. I can only imagine the confidence and hope that built with each new day the baby grew stronger and more active inside her belly. It seemed to me that God wanted to demonstrate His glory through their family with the testimony of life despite abandonment, neglect, and now medical apprehension. It was the perfect story for two people obeying and trusting in God, and answering His call in the ministry of their daily roles.

But sometimes what makes sense to us as humans is just plain not God's plan. I think I get caught up in believing events will play out a certain way because I convince myself I know God's perspective. God will bless this family with their own child because they are so faithful in their ministry and have provided such a good home for the children they already have. But the truth is, I can't predict what God will do. I will never think like God thinks and I will never be big enough to understand His plan. As difficult as that is in the here and now, what it means for us is that we have to trust Him with our lives. We have to let go of the thought that we control any aspect and surrender it to the One who truly does. And ultimately, that is comforting because we are not expected to figure things out or ever go it alone. We only need to trust. There are times in life when that becomes painfully evident.

Yesterday I was listening to the song "Closer to Love" by Mat Kearney, and this line caught my attention: "I guess we're all one phone call from our knees." It reminded me, especially in light of yesterday, how close each of us are to losing everything we hold so dear on Earth. In an instant, a loved one could be gone or our own life could be over. This song hits close to home with me because I know what it's like to anticipate a phone call that will bring me to my knees, crying out to God. My sister battled an illness that almost took her life several times, and there were nights I never stopped pleading with God, even as I slept, for her life. I was all too prepared for the phone to ring any given moment and would dream I picked it up throughout the night to hear a numb voice deliver the news. God chose to miraculously spare my sister's life, but being in that place of agony and dependency showed me how helpless I am to know or sway God's plan. At that time, literally all I could do was cry out to Him like a child and beg for what I wanted. But like a father, God knows what is best beyond what we can see for ourselves. The outcome could have been completely different--I could have lost my sister one of those nights. That could have been what God deemed best, despite the fact that she honored and obeyed Him with her life. We can hold so tightly to what we treasure most and believe we have a firm grip, but in reality, it's completely out of our control. It only takes a moment to realize how helpless we really are.

I'm sure the Atwoods felt that when little Chai passed away yesterday. I'm sure their hopes and dreams and plans came crashing in and their world was shaken. But they choose to believe in death what they have believed in life. Trevor wrote "Today much changed, Jesus did not. The gospel is true in the face of death. Thx to the 1st born among many brothers. Chai Samuel is yours." God is all-knowing and His plan is perfect, beyond what we can see. In heartrending moments like that we make the choice whether to allow our finite minds to gauge the situation and deplete our hope, or simply to allow God to continue painting the picture of which we can only see a small part. Unfortunately it might not mean God will choose to bless us or others by our estimation. But He does show us mercy even through pain by drawing us closer to Him like a father bending down to scoop up his hurting child. And because of the sting of our present circumstances, we reach up, crying out for Him. It is through that bond that we understand our frailty and inability to save ourselves from the curse of sin. We discover that we can only be whole in Christ.

The Atwoods asked people to pray Romans 8:18-30 for Baby Chai yesterday. These are verses 28-30:

28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

God's good does not always look like our good. But when we believe it is better, we have insight into His character and His will for us. It will allow us to grieve with the hope that one day we will be complete and we will better understand. It gives us a reason to trust beyond our understanding.