Sunday, March 24, 2013

Return to Blog

This post has been in the making for a while, as per usual. I really wanted to write about life a few weeks into marriage...and now I'm a few months into marriage. Still counts, right? I wish I would have made the time to write back then, even though we're still "newlyweds" technically.

Those initial things about marriage...I loved coming home from our honeymoon and suddenly the simplest things were so novel - like making dinner for both of us, doing our laundry together, organizing our house, I mean, just living together and not having to drive home after hanging out every night. (Man, that last one was huge...still cannot get over how awesome that is!) Andrew and I didn't technically date for all that long, but the amount of time we spent dating/interested in each other/confused (my fault) stretched over a pretty lengthy time span. Then, our engagement felt like an eternity. There was so much waiting for married life that once it was here, we were giddy. I still am giddy when I think about how God meant that quiet tall guy with the curly hair at our friends' apartment in college eight years ago - for me. Sure, I thought he was adorable, but I never could have imagined how wonderful he is and how perfect he is for me. Now, I realize more each day how perfect God's plan was for us and I love my husband more than the day before...something I didn't think possible.

The other day I was thinking back to an interview I had probably sometime in 2010 to be an executive assistant in Cary, North Carolina for a company that manufactured the sticky stuff you find on band-aids, pads, stickers, and a wealth of many other adhesive items. I remember the interviewers explaining that they manufactured basically "anything you peel!" I also remember sitting up straight, professionally, and nodding while wondering "is this really my life?" (Garden State Moment). Later my friends would (I think) be genuinely confused as they asked if that included bananas. Hold on, they were totally making fun of me. Anyway, I didn't get the job. Would I have been a fantastic executive assistant for a sticky-stuff manufacturer? You bet. But mostly I was disappointed because I was desperate to get out of my crumby job at the time. I really didn't know what God was up to and I started to feel like He really didn't have anything promising in mind for my future. Andrew and I were broken up and not in contact at all, and I questioned that decision every day during that time. I just didn't know what the best thing was. And I had to wait. There were lots of nights with tears and leaning on my sisters and friends, and long conversations with God. Even though it was hard sometimes, I don't look back on it in regret. I remember late nights with my bedroom window open and the warm air filtering in while I scribbled away in my journal, just needing an outlet for my thoughts. Those were sweet times because I learned more about myself and felt so close to God. All the while, even when I thought He wasn't listening, He was preparing my heart and making a way for something to happen.

I eventually quit my crumby job and got another crumby job. But even in that, God was planning. By some small miracle, Andrew reached out to me and we started talking again. With all the wrestling over "us" I had done, I decided if the chance was there again, I was going to take it. I cautiously believed God was answering my prayers in a very deliberate way. I worked from home with the new job, which meant I could go visit him for a week at a time - something we didn't realize we really needed (we had always been long distance and our visits would be for about two days once a month). When I started looking for a new job in Ohio, I lost my job in NC. I really didn't understand God's timing or plan on that one, but still, He was working. I moved up with no job and no prospects and began the hunt...only to end up at Dillards, which I later discovered was named the #2 worst company to work for in America. So, crumby job #3 began. Again, I questioned, but still rejoiced that things with Andrew were so wonderful and that we now got to see each other every day. Then, praise God for a wonderful sister-in-law who was looking out for me and was willing to work with me! After a string of crumby jobs, I get to write, edit, talk to great people, and work from home all in the same job and I LOVE IT. And there is just no denying the other jobs and times I went through leading up to this prepared me for the role, even though it often just felt like a bunch of waiting. And of course, I also got to marry the love of my life. Suddenly things clicked. I know it's not always that "clean" in the end, but to me, it was how God closed this chapter of waiting in my life and I rejoice in that. He gave me the desires of my heart even when I wasn't sure what that was.

So all of that long back story to say...God is going to at some point in your life, and always for an indefinite amount of time, make you wait. But He is not just making you wait in vain and for no good reason...He is ever preparing your heart for something better. I know it's a difficult season...take a look at some of my blog posts previous to this one...ouch. And I know your season may last years and years. And I know I may have a season more like that later in life. But here's a reminder to you and especially to me: praise Him through it as much as You can. Talk to Him, lean on Him, learn Him, scribble in your journal. He's there and He's working on you. And I might just be a newlywed talking, but the "something better" he has in mind for you is so very, very worth it.