Hope Floats

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. -Lamentations 3:22-23

The last post was a heap of discouragement and unrest, but you know what? A lot of people let me know they relate and find themselves going through the same thing. I really appreciated that, to know I'm not alone in those times, and it feels good to know I can be totally honest and vulnerable and you people don't judge me for it. I hope I can encourage you a little now too.

While at this time in my life I'm feeling weary of not being able to see or understand God's hand in certain areas, what I have been able to see more clearly is His character. It's funny how God can teach you things even when you're being pretty obstinately unteachable. At my age it has started to become more apparent how familiar feelings of defeat are to me. And maybe that sounds even more disheartening, but it has actually given me a lot of hope lately. Because never once has God forgotten about me when I've despaired. And depending on how you look at it, this valley is more like a mountain because I'm looking back over similar times from the past and seeing God's provision and grace through them. It's not that I couldn't reflect on God's goodness before in my life, but I do think it sinks in better in this season. I have more experience under my belt and God has proven Himself again and again. Call me thick-headed, but it's more comforting to me now than it has been before. As I think about it, times of worry, self-defeat, and apathy, are always followed by freedom from those things,  and renewal and hope. It's not because the circumstances are removed, but because God's mercies are new each day. And like so many times before, He gives me new eyes and a new heart to see the good of life. I'm so glad that along with struggle comes new insight and understanding.

In small group we're studying Daniel and I had an epiphany the other week. When the king sees the hand writing on the wall, the first people he calls to interpret its meaning are magicians and soothsayers, all of whom worship different gods despite the fact that God has proven Himself through Daniel many times. It's only when the king finally resorts to Daniel to interpret that he discovers the writing was an act of the God and He is trying to tell him something. That's when it dawned on me that if I'm not trusting and leaning on God, and truly casting my cares and believing Him...when I see Him at work in my life, I might completely miss it. I think there are some things God will do despite my stubbornness, like teaching me His character as He has the past few weeks. But if my heart is turned from Him and I'm totally self-absorbed like the king of Babylon, it's going to be really difficult to decipher God's hand. Like in any relationship, really knowing and seeking someone will allow you to more fully grasp their nature and recognize their characteristics.

I hope you don't hear me wrong and think I'm saying suddenly all my woes have vanished. Honestly, the things that were heavy on my heart the last time I wrote are still there. But I am saying that God gives me grace to see beyond those things and I'm thankful for it. That's all I really know right now. I always think of hope kind of like a balloon under water. You can push it down, but when you let go, it bounces right back up to the surface. (I don't know, maybe I got that from the movie...but I hope not because it seems pretty genius to me.) Maybe sometimes it's just about waiting and trusting that little balloon is going to come popping back up somewhere.